Being a parent isn't always easy, but neither is being a kid!

Okay… tough morning!   We had Meilynn’s 1 year checkup with the physical rehab specialist.  Can I just have a minute to vent?  It is TOUGH to be mama to a kiddo with a visible physical need.  Your heart gets torn apart when the feelings that they deal with every day of their life surface.   We sat in the room, while our sweet little girl cried her eyes out.  She knows the future, but I think she always hopes secretly that something magical will happen and one day we’ll go to an appointment and she will be told her cerebral palsy simply disappeared.  We spent the time listening to her concerns and trying to figure out solutions to work with them… But, when it comes down to it (as the amazing Dr. Greene admitted), it’s just not fair!  It’s not fair that she has to deal with getting ready earlier than siblings because braces take a while to put on.  It’s not fair that she has to take longer getting boots on and off 3 times a day at school in the winter.  It’s not fair that I didn't pursue getting her braces adjusted, because she never  wants to be “a problem or complainer” and so she suffers  and now has calluses on her ankles.  We came up with solutions like, getting up earlier to adjust for time, 4^th grade has less outdoor time and she may not have to put braces back on after lunch, and mama promised to keep going back until the next set is just right!  We talked about the future plans and when the best time is to schedule a muscle releasing surgery.  Mind you mama needed a lot of Kleenex too and Dr. Greene needed to hug us both by the end of the meeting.

Then, we got out to the van and had a moment to really debrief.  Mark probed a little, knowing there was more to the story and wanting to be able to discuss the real problem.  Then the flood gates opened and the tears really started!  It is SO HARD to watch your sweet child share her anguish over being different, over the stares, and over the mean words that she shoves into the depths of her mind.  We shared with her what an amazing daughter she is, how smart she is, her amazing spirit, her beautiful heart, her caring personality.  But, when it comes down to it, it isn't fair!!  There’s no way to make it go away, to completely solve it, to make her invincible to the pain of being “different”.  

We’ll never know truly what it feels like and she’ll never truly know how much it tortures Mark and I not to be able to “fix it” and to watch her go through this.  In the end, I hope she felt loved and chosen today.  I hope she understands that the choices we make are to help her future.  I hope she realizes that her daddy and I would make all of the choices over again in an instant and that we wouldn't want her any other way.  I stand amazed at her strength and outlook on life.  She has taught US so much!  We couldn't compliment her enough on her testimony with the way she deals with her disability.  Love this beautiful child to the moon and back!!