Adoption is NEEDED!

I see this quoted so often in adoptions. Did you know that the context of this verse is financial?? It’s not always used for the financial aspect, but it probably should be. That is the reason most often given for not pursuing adoption. The financial obligation seems to hold people back. I get it. I think most of us struggle with spending $30,000 to $40,000.  But wait… we overcome the hurdle if we feel there is reason to, if it’s something we need. We need housing. We need transportation. We often end up taking a loan for these needs.

Well, you may not know it, but I think you NEED adoption. Yup, you need it! It will teach you so much about the love God has for you. I see it so often in my kids.

•  When they do something wrong and you just want them to ask for forgiveness.
• When they are facing a natural consequence and it hurts your heart.
• When they give you an eye roll and tell you that you don’t know anything.
• When they lie and you try everything to get them to admit the truth.
• When they get hurt and you try to make it better.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if my children are biological or adopted, the feelings are the same. My heart is theirs, it hurts when they hurt and soars when they are happy. Then, I realize that this is the way God feels about me, His adopted child. How much greater is our Heavenly Father’s love for us? I’ve learned so much about His immense love for me. It plays out before my eyes everyday.

Also, they NEED adoption. Yup, they do! I’ve heard some say this is a “savior mentality”. Well, GOOD! I hope so! Mentality is defined as the characteristic attitude of mind or way of thinking. I certainly hope that my way of thinking aligns with my Savior! He asks us to care for the least of these. He asks us to be His hands and feet.  He loves these children and wants to see them in families. And, these children do need saving! If you don’t believe this, you haven’t seen them, you haven’t been in an orphanage, you haven’t seen them pulled from a foster home where they were thriving, you haven’t heard the stories of what they’ve endured, you haven’t held them while they told you about the past. If you don’t believe this, you don’t understand that their current situation (as good as it might be) is not forever. Without adoption, their future is one full of challenges and no support system.

YES, you can do ALL things through Christ. He does give you strength. Strength to get through the paperwork. Strength to find the funds necessary to bring them home. Strength to meet their needs. Strength to love them when they are hard to love (because there will be times, we are too sometimes).

You CAN! You NEED to! ADOPT!!

The Muddy Waters of "Choosing a Child"

I am beginning to realize just how messy this “called life” can be. It isn’t as clear and black and white as so many choose to portray it to be. I have been guilty of this very thing. As I have talked with, grieved with, and advocated it has become clear that this life requires a greater understanding of God and His great love. 

We tend to approach everything in life thinking that there is one right, Godly answer. While I believe this can be the case, I am not sure that it is always this cut and dry. What if there are multiple good options? God gave us free will. There are definitely wrong choices: refusing His gift of the cross, choosing sin, leading someone away from a Christ-centered life. 

I’ve begun to wonder if this doesn’t apply to adoption. I feel that many of us (ME included!!) have muddied the waters by claiming God lead us to the “perfect child for our family”. This seems to indicate that the child we adopted is the ONLY one that we could have brought home. And honestly, sometimes, this does seem to be the case. We have experienced some beautiful adoptions. The transitions were seamless, the kids easily fit into our family and schedules, and they grafted into our family’s culture with ease. However… sometimes this isn’t the case…

What about the kids that struggle? What about the kids that cause us to struggle? We’ve had attachment behaviors years after coming home. We’ve had to fight for children with learning disabilities. We’ve had to come to grips with children that may never be able to live on their own. This isn’t the way we envisioned our lives. We didn’t think this was what God was asking of us. Does this mean that we made a “wrong choice” or “didn’t follow His will”? I will tell you that you learn to pray and commune with God during an adoption like no other time in your life. These journeys change you. So, I can also tell you that we both believe with all of our hearts that EVERY ONE of our children are MEANT to be in our home.

What about the kids that we don’t choose? Do you know what the toughest part of adoption is? NOT choosing children. When we choose to bring a child into our family, we are choosing to leave hundreds of thousands in orphanages. Most likely they will age out and never experience the love of a family. Does that mean that they are not worthy? Does that mean that they wouldn’t have “fit” into our family? I will tell you that I know MANY adoptive parents that continue to follow the children they don’t choose. They pray for them. They advocate for them. They cheer when they find families and shed tears when the opportunity never comes. These children still occupy our hearts. I am also confident that each one of them is JUST as worthy as any of the children that have become my own. I am positive that they would fit in as well as any child we have brought home.

So where does this leave us?

Maybe, just maybe, there are multiple options. Maybe, God has placed an empty spot in your family for two reasons: to give a child a home and teach YOU about Himself. He wants YOU to be His hands and feet. He wants YOU to experience the miracle of caring for one of His children who needs you. He wants YOU to experience His love. He wants YOU to grow in the knowledge of Him. He wants YOU to have a new understanding of what it means to be adopted by Him.

Maybe, just maybe, there is only one wrong choice and many good, Godly choices. Maybe, God’s only requirement is for you to follow His command. Maybe, God just wants you to adopt! Stop stressing over making the perfect choice: domestic or international, country, boy or girl, special need, young or old… Maybe, your biggest concern should be NOT choosing to adopt. I am confident He will meet you in the CENTER of ANY adoption. I am confident He will teach you so much about Himself and His love through ANY adoption. I am confident that He will show you so much about love through ANY adoption. 

Don’t fear choosing the wrong child. FEAR CHOOSING NO CHILD!

An Open Response

I realized that there are misunderstandings and responses that are often stated and I feel that I should have a response instead of trying to restate my feelings and research over and over.

I know a lot of people that have or are adopting, so they've got it covered.
I'm glad you do! That means you have some experts, or at least experienced help, if you decide to help out where you are so desperately needed! Please know, there are MILLIONS of children waiting, needing families. I can look many places and see conflicting facts and information. So, I will speak of what I know. There are hundreds of orphanages all over China. That's just one country. Each of these orphanages may have a handful of children, a mere 50, hundreds, or in the case of some of my children thousands of children housed within the cement block walls. Hundreds of thousands of children wait in our own foster care system. Each year approximately 20,000 children age out of the foster care system in the US without a permanent family. No matter what statistics you use or research, the need is great and the number of families choosing to adopt is decreasing rapidly.

They may not get adopted, but children are cared for. I mean there aren't kids living on the street.
Children that age out of the US system without a permanent family are at an increased risk of poor educational outcomes, experiencing homelessness, and being unemployed. Children in other countries may be sent to adult institutions to live out their lives. There abuse and neglect are common. If they are lucky enough to escape the institution, they have no support. They are more susceptible to trafficking and suicide.

It costs a lot of money.
Okay, you got me. Well, kind of. Adopting out of the US foster system is pretty close to free. International adoption tends to range from $20,000-$50,000. That seems extremely expensive. Here's the part that absolutely does me in. If I told you a car cost that much money, you would think that was reasonable. I mean if I pay the bigger price tag, I might be able to get 10 years out of it. You would expect to finance it over the course of 4-6 years. Agencies have to pay their workers, here and abroad. Medicals take money. Shipping documents to make sure everything is legal takes money. THIS IS A HUMAN BEING. We should be shrugging our shoulders and realizing that is a drop in the bucket to pay for human life. (Ask me, we've gotten some amazing loans and tax credits!)

Increased regulations cut down on disruptions and dissolved adoptions of big families and "serial adopters".
While anyone can find cases to support their claims, I need you to really think about the numbers. I live the numbers. I watch the large, experienced families who are more than ready to leap back into the unknown, because it isn't so unknown to them anymore. I stand in unison with the families who have experienced a need that wasn't as bad as they thought it would be, who realized they can handle more than they thought, who met a child that they know would be a perfect fit. In all of our concern for the few, in trying to save precious lives, we are trading thousands of others. Children are dying and aging out everyday. They wait, because so many hands are tied. We have traded out caring for the majority for protecting the few.

Adoptions are decreasing, because domestic adoption is increasing.
Nothing makes me happier than to know that many countries are experiencing a rise in domestic adoption. I am so thankful to know that China (a country near and dear to my heart) has a had a huge increase. However, using their published statistics, domestic adoptions are not coming close to meeting the need. Every year approximately 100,000 children are abandoned. However, only 20,000 domestic adoptions take place. That's only meeting 20% of the need.

I am not ready to bring a baby home with all of the care they require.
MOST of the waiting children are older. The greatest need is for children over age 5. The largest group waiting are boys. Boys of all ages wait to be chosen. However, ALL children need families to be a part of.

International adoption should decrease, children need to be left in their culture.
They aren't IN their culture! They are being raised in institutions. Their experience is not having enough food to eat, being tied to chairs and cribs, freezing in the winter when heat can't be afforded. This is not a culture any child deserves to be a part of. When they finally are released into their culture, most aren't prepared and have no support.

It's going to take ALL of us YOU and ME! We need to do better! We need to help the crisis. We need to be God's hands and feet. He has chosen US to care for His children!