I am beginning to realize just how messy this “called life”
can be. It isn’t as clear and black and white as so many choose to portray it
to be. I have been guilty of this very thing. As I have talked with, grieved
with, and advocated it has become clear that this life requires a greater
understanding of God and His great love.
We tend to approach everything in life thinking that there
is one right, Godly answer. While I believe this can be the case, I am not sure
that it is always this cut and dry. What if there are multiple good options?
God gave us free will. There are definitely wrong choices: refusing His gift of
the cross, choosing sin, leading someone away from a Christ-centered life.
I’ve begun to wonder if this doesn’t apply to adoption. I
feel that many of us (ME included!!) have muddied the waters by claiming God
lead us to the “perfect child for our family”. This seems to indicate that the
child we adopted is the ONLY one that we could have brought home. And honestly,
sometimes, this does seem to be the case. We have experienced some beautiful
adoptions. The transitions were seamless, the kids easily fit into our family
and schedules, and they grafted into our family’s culture with ease. However…
sometimes this isn’t the case…
What about the kids that struggle? What about the kids that cause
us to struggle? We’ve had attachment behaviors years after coming home. We’ve
had to fight for children with learning disabilities. We’ve had to come to
grips with children that may never be able to live on their own. This isn’t the
way we envisioned our lives. We didn’t think this was what God was asking of
us. Does this mean that we made a “wrong choice” or “didn’t follow His will”? I
will tell you that you learn to pray and commune with God during an adoption
like no other time in your life. These journeys change you. So, I can also tell
you that we both believe with all of our hearts that EVERY ONE of our children
are MEANT to be in our home.
What about the kids that we don’t choose? Do you know what
the toughest part of adoption is? NOT choosing children. When we choose to
bring a child into our family, we are choosing to leave hundreds of thousands
in orphanages. Most likely they will age out and never experience the love of a
family. Does that mean that they are not worthy? Does that mean that they
wouldn’t have “fit” into our family? I will tell you that I know MANY adoptive
parents that continue to follow the children they don’t choose. They pray for
them. They advocate for them. They cheer when they find families and shed tears
when the opportunity never comes. These children still occupy our hearts. I am
also confident that each one of them is JUST as worthy as any of the children
that have become my own. I am positive that they would fit in as well as any
child we have brought home.
So where does this leave us?
Maybe, just maybe, there are multiple options. Maybe, God
has placed an empty spot in your family for two reasons: to give a child a home and teach YOU about Himself. He wants YOU to be His
hands and feet. He wants YOU to experience the miracle of caring for one of His
children who needs you. He wants YOU to experience His love. He wants YOU to
grow in the knowledge of Him. He wants YOU to have a new understanding of what
it means to be adopted by Him.
Maybe, just maybe, there is only one wrong choice and many good,
Godly choices. Maybe, God’s only requirement is for you to follow His command.
Maybe, God just wants you to adopt! Stop stressing over making the perfect
choice: domestic or international, country, boy or girl, special need, young or
old… Maybe, your biggest concern should be NOT choosing to adopt. I am
confident He will meet you in the CENTER of ANY adoption. I am confident He
will teach you so much about Himself and His love through ANY adoption. I am
confident that He will show you so much about love through ANY adoption.
Don’t fear choosing the wrong child. FEAR CHOOSING NO CHILD!
