Hope-Filled Day!

What a difference a day and prayers of faithful friends make!!  Yesterday, I was depressed and defeated.  Today, I am joyful and hopeful!  We found out yesterday that we didn’t get one of the grants that we applied for.  It was a big one (and to be honest, one I thought was a sure thing).  I started to doubt.  Then, a new day dawned this morning.

I started today with my devotions.  The passage today was James 1:2-12 “ Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”  Now, I know that this particular passage mentions wisdom, but God started to speak to me.  Where was my trust?  Was this all it took to start believing He couldn’t provide?  Was it no longer a possibility simply because my human mind wasn’t able to comprehend how it would happen?

Then, I read some Facebook friends’ posts.  The same theme seemed to run through all of them. 
From a social worker at our agency: “If I were actually in charge of my life, and if I were actually the main driving force behind making your adoption process happen, the Lord help us all! At first, I think it is scary to know that I am not in control over my life and my job. But honestly, it would be scarier if everything were actually left up to me! His ways are not our ways, and thank goodness for that! His plan and his sovereignty is so much greater than our own. Praise be to God, who I know, trust, and believe is the LORD over everything, so that I don't have to be.”   
From a fellow adoptive mama in the EXACT same situation (We are about 17,000 short and hope to travel at the beginning of May.): “John 14:12-14, 18, 21 NIV- “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”  Praise Him for this assurance! I have NOTHING to worry about. So what if I have 4-6 weeks left to raise $12-15000! I am ready to see what God can do and when He does it, ALL glory will go to Him! There is NO way to raise this extreme amount of money in such a little amount of time. Only God can do this. One of the things I love (and don't love) about the adoption process is the growth. Its HARD. So today, I'm praying for faith that HE will provide. And that I will trust Him and not myself. In Jesus name! This is what grows our faith in Him the most. The tough stuff. Thank you Lord for the tough times. Without them, I wouldn't be growing closer to YOU!”

As if this wasn’t enough, the CD in my car happened to be at two songs that I needed to hear!  The first was “I Will Follow” by Jon Guerra.  The lyrics “I believe everything that You say You are.  I believe that I have seen Your unchanging heart. In the good things and in the hardest part
I believe and I will follow You.  I believe and I will follow You.”  This was followed by “Beautiful” by Dan Bremnes.  You really need to listen to these sometime!  The lyrics reminded me yet again that God is in control!  I am to follow Him and allow Him to shape me.

Adoption is the toughest, messiest, most joyous, amazing experience!  It takes you to the pit of brokenness, while soaring with the most overwhelming blessedness.  The complete contrast of the emotions that one experiences all at once is mind-boggling.  When I sit back and reminisce about the adoption journeys we have already been through, I am reminded of the extreme dependence on God that is required to endure this trip.  He is pulling me closer to Himself.  He uses these experiences on the journey to prove to me who He is and how I must depend on Him.  I know today as I type that He is preparing me for what will be the toughest, rawest, most beautiful part of this journey, when I hold my children for the first time and the days that follow as I get to know them and teach them what family is.  Thank you Lord for preparing my heart!  Thank you for directing my eyes back to you!  Thank you for pressing me to let you take control!