I’ve been asked numerous times after coming home: Are you
okay? Are you sick? Are you tired? Are you angry? Are you upset?
I soon realized that my inward condition was showing
outwardly. The new fresh wounds were still healing, still scabbing over. Each
time I entered into the world of the orphan, new deep cuts formed in my soul. Over
time, scabs formed. It was easier to ignore the scars than when the wounds were
fresh. But now, I feel them all over again. They are still fresh and reopen
when news of threats and the reality of endured tragedy surface.
I’ve held, kissed, and loved these precious children of God.
I’ve looked at them through His eyes. I’ve wept tears over the ones that will
never come home this side of Heaven. I’ve rocked a sweet girl that cried
silently without being able to tell me the reason and depth of her sorrow. I’ve
told these children how much I love them and how much God loves them. I’ve
realized that some of them have and will face hurt deeper than we can imagine.
Am I okay? No. Am I sick? Yes. Am I tired? Yes. Am I angry?
Yes. Am I upset? Yes. But, I wouldn’t want to change it. Entering their world
re-energized me, renewed my passion and broke my heart once again for what
breaks His. I pray that I wear my scars proudly this time. I pray that I take a
good look in the mirror and see those scars. I pray that I remember daily. I
pray that this renews my fight each day!
I will not give up. I cannot give up. They are worth it!
They are worth the fight!
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