Switching Paths in an Adoption Journey

 

It was almost one year ago that I saw the picture that would forever change our family…

Let me back up a little. I had come home with Emilyn just over half a year (October 2016) and my heart started calling me back to China. I began advocating for the sweetest little girl that absolutely tugged at my heart, Faith. Her story spoke to my soul. All of the loss she had experienced in her short life reached to the depths of my heart and my whole desire was to help her see how loved and worthy she was of a Forever Family. Mark was not ready to start pursuing another adoption so close to bringing home the little girl that already was a stretch. Then, we received an update as she had been returned to her orphanage. It was horrible, gut-wrenching. My heart utterly broke as I scanned the photos and watched the stomach-turning videos over and over. This precious girl was absolutely declining, again.

Faith from the update in June 2017

Faith from an update in January 2019

 
I continued to pray and talk to him about this sweet girl. She would be a challenge, as her needs are a mystery. However, it is evident that there are major delays. I could not guarantee how much improvement, if any, we would see in her abilities. Finally, he said we could look at the file together (I had already poured over it) and send it to our pediatrician to get her opinion. The very next day, China came out with their new rules/regulations for adoption… July 6, 2017. This is the day I will never forget. My heart stopped. My world spun. I didn’t understand. I had fought for this girl. I had prayed for this girl.

I decided to continue to fight for her. I wrote many letters. I wrote pages of documentation of all we could offer; all we were willing to do and provide. I worked with multiple agencies. And, I prayed, oh how I prayed. (I can look back on this time and see how God used it to call me to Himself. I grew so much in my dependence of Him.) We would get a sign that maybe things would move and then a door would slam in our face.

During this time, Mark asked me to really think if I just wanted to adopt again or if it was this specific girl. We started to discuss other countries that would still be open to large families. I researched a ton. I requested files. I would send him pictures of sweet faces that piqued my interest. However, each time he would respond with a maybe, I would quickly back-pedal. I would feel guilty of thinking about another child besides the precious girl waiting in China.

Then, it happened. One day, I was perusing the waiting child lists of different agencies. I saw the face that made time stand still. I instantly knew she was it. She was the missing piece to our family. There was no hesitation. No guilt. I immediately showed him the information and requested whatever I could get about her.

I still yearn for sweet Faith to have a family. She will always have a piece of my heart. However, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that this newest princess is the one. She is the reason that nothing else seemed to work out. I can look back now and realize why God didn’t move all of those mountains that I prayed so hard to move. There is a reason for every difficulty, though sometimes we will never see the reason. I am blessed to know.

I first saw her face on March 17^th. I can’t wait to share more about her. (Wouldn’t it be great if we could get our official referral on or before that day? Just sayin. 😉)